Do you want to meet up?

Do you want to meet up?...ermm,this question scares me a little bit...first of all,because someone whom i know online asked me that..and secondly,i am just scared of meeting someone i barely know face to face..not knowing whether the other person is good looking or pretty..is the person nice or rude...is the person going to harm me or not....just one question and many more questions rushed to my mind...

I ended up saying...let's chat for a little while more before we finally meet up with each other...not wanting to sound offensive but living in such times,i think is better to be safe than sorry.....

But as usual, I am having lots of thought going through my mind right after that...I was thinking,maybe is not that bad to just meet up for lunch on a Sunday...just meeting and knowing a new friend...I will be careful...

Ermm,maybe I will ask her out for a movie later on...

Not The Way I Wanted To

Sitting here
All alone by myself
I thought about you
The feelings I thought long gone
Now resurfaced just like yesterday
Knowing I am not in your dreams
Not now and not ever
Realizing I was never part of your world
Do not know why it still matters
After all these while
I have no reasons to be here
When I should be moving on
And having a life
My heart burdened and lost
I wish the feelings would go
Someday I’ll stop missing you
Knowing you do love me
But just not the way I wanted you to

The words were written a few weeks ago, I really thought I have let go, the feelings for this friend of mine all gone except for the love as a friend. But I guess it is not as easy as I want it to be.Given a choice, I sometimes ask myself, would I rather not know this friend at all?It took me a long, long time to be able to give an answer, not because I was unsure, but more because the more I think about it, I still find myself not regretting having this friend. I cannot have us more than friends, I understand that. One day if someone ask me whether I have fell in love with anyone before, you will come to my thoughts.
I wish you happy and blessed,my friend.

Missing someone - part 2

I have finally got a chance to talk my crush (M). M came online for a while on Saturday and i was extremely excited,estactic of coz to be able to see and have the name blinking online. I feel like a 7 years old kid with Rm 1 in my hand and not knowing to buy the ice cream or the candy. We talked for a while and i guess it was raining over at the other end and the line was disconnected and once again M went offline. I did not managed to even ask for the MSN address, the email address. How perfect the timing is,I ask myself. So that is why I don't really like the rain these days.

I even wrote M a poem, just because I was bored and had nothing to do and since M was on my mind,so had to write out what is inside the head of mine. It is weird to be feeling this way when I do not know who M is,in the first place. Anyway, I am glad and happy that M is healthy and not sick. I hope to see you sometime this week too.

Missing someone

How do i explain the reason behind this crush? We have just talked to each for 3 times and this week we do not have a chance to talk to each other. But already i miss talking to this crush of mine. Why is it happening again ya? I hate it when i feel so lost,like right now and i do not know how or who to talk to.

I just wish for a chance that i will see this crush of mine online and i will ask for the emails,the MSN,almost everything that i am able to get my hands just so that i won't miss this person so much.
Please come back online, soon...:(

Staying On?For Good?

For months I wanted to get away from here,from work,from going back to doing the same thing everyday,from seeing the same people,the same environment. It was getting boring and I really needed some change. I was praying hard, deep inside my heart that I am able to change and move on.
What was holding me back?The world current economic state?The insecurities of being away from home?Or just me being scared of changes, eventhough I wanted change to come my way?How ironic is that huh.

But the One above have other plans for me. HE wants me to stay on, do the things I am doing right now. Is that good or bad?I do not know but I just feel for the first time after all these months that there might be something in store for me here. I might have overlooked and got clouded with me wanting to get away and do changes to my life.
I still am looking and hoping for that change to come my way. Am I ready for it?I will never be ready, I guess. afterall this is life and it becomes more fun and exciting when we do not need the ending.

Free and Moving On

From the tears on my cheeks
Flowing down slowly
My mind and thoughts turns to you
I have never cried for you
Now that I am crying
I can’t seem to stop
Happiness is never my companion
Not sure it will ever be
The road ahead
Long and lonely
Reasons and advices
Heard too much
Understanding too little
Love will take a turning point
I believe
The heartache will be the lesson
The sadness will be the strength
And the flowing tears will be the reason
To finally free this heart
And move on with a life without you

Beautiful World

I wish for a day
To be able to fly away from here
To be able to dream freely
And live a life surrounded with laughters
I pray for a day
That the world can be peaceful
For us and the children
Now and the future
Looking up to the blue sky
The rain is drizzling down
Breathing in the fresh air
The world is adapting to changes
And I hope
The rain after the storm
The rainbow after the rain
The sun after the rainbow
Life is still very much beautiful